


Dark Side of the Moon

by wantadonut



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Drama, Fluff, M/M, Panic Attacks, agnst, alpha-problems, loads of drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-03
Updated: 2012-06-03
Packaged: 2017-11-06 16:50:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/421118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wantadonut/pseuds/wantadonut
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The wound in a soul is deeper than anything tearing through skin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dark Side of the Moon

**Author's Note:**

> This fic happens after Season 1, so we do have Spoilers here. 
> 
> The songs I used to write this are: 'This Love', 'Guns and Horses' and 'Lights' by Ellie Goulding. If you can, put them on repeat while reading this.

The first time it happens Derek is left alone with memories that are not quite his, but with the certainness that the screams and pain are indeed his. The rest of the pack has no idea what is happening, but neither does Derek.

He says, “I’m the Alpha now”.

But what he hears is the fire burning the flesh of everyone he loved. His father, his mother, those little cousins he always played tag with. And he feels the pain, feels their faces, arms, legs, chests melting... He doesn’t care about his physical pain, though. He thinks dying might hurt, but having his heart tore open over and over again while watching everyone in his family die... Nothing would ever compare to that.

Because the wound in a soul is deeper than anything tearing through skin.

He falls to the ground in all fours, his hands and nails gripping on the grass as if to remind him that he’s alive, that he’s not falling, not burning, but it’s no use. He keeps screaming and he thinks he will run out of voice soon, but the pain is too much.

Way too much for a frown to cover it up like he used to do before seeing it all with his own eyes, feel it to his skin, smell the death.

_**The dark is too hard to beat** _

_**And I'm not keeping up** _

_**The strength I need to push me** _

 

Derek is not sure what to think when the pain never ceases and he’s almost used to it. Could he, though? Get used to seeing his family be burnt to death just because they had something amazing, something people considered a curse but was nothing more than a gift.

Being a werewolf shouldn’t be reason enough to kill an entire family in their own home. Nothing should ever be reason for that.

And when he’s almost sure this is going to end, he starts hearing it. “Derek, why are you the only one alive?” his sister asks him, and he feels the urge to vomit. He thinks he does it, because he doesn’t scream for a few minutes.

“Why didn’t you save us, son?” That’s his mom, and Derek can feel her hands in his throat as she tries to choke him to death. Or maybe Derek just doesn’t know how to breathe anymore. Can’t. Won’t.

He is starting to smell the burnt flesh again.

_**And dreaming when they're gone** _

_**Cuz they're calling, calling, calling me home** _

 

He starts hearing them more clearly each passing second. They call him back, call him home with his family. But where is his home?

The family house they used to share is now in pieces, being held up by some pillars half burnt. Being held by what he now calls his pack. A pack of teens who don’t want to be anything more than alive and go to school and be _normal._ They don’t want the _curse_ of being werewolves.

But that’s what Derek has, no matter how dysfunctional they seem. Pack is where he belongs to. And he can’t leave them alone, they need an Alpha. And now that _he_ ’s their Alpha, they will need his guidance. But how can someone that broken help and heal the lives of others?

He is thrown away from his thoughts when more voices start yelling questions to which he has no way to answer. “Why didn’t they kill you, Derek?” “Why aren’t you here with us?” “How can you live knowing you’re the only one alive?”

Derek is certain that there are tears streaming down his cheeks, but he can’t wipe them away. He can’t move.

He’s being hugged.

_**You show the lights that stop me turn to stone** _

_**You shine it when I'm alone** _

 

The pain is beginning to fade. At least the physical one is. Derek opens his eyes and he sees four teenagers hugging him fiercely. Of course, one of them has a grip that is stronger, but that’s only because he is a werewolf.

He tries to escape the embrace, way stronger than any of them. But when he stumbles and falls in his butt, there is still a pair of arms strongly attached to his back. He can also hear, feel and scent the tears the boy is letting out.

“You’re not alone. It’s not your fault,” Stiles keeps repeating these two phrases into Derek’s chest, as if in a trance where his only goal is make Derek listen to something he’s not ready to. “She doesn’t blame you. It’s not your fault.”

He notices the boy is talking also about his own mother, who died in a car crash where Stiles was the only one to emerge alive.

Derek realizes they are the lucky ones. They are still breathing. Something or someone wanted them to, so it’s now his duty to keep them all alive.

“Stiles,” He nudges the boy when he keeps repeating the words like a mantra to keep Derek and himself safe. He takes a deep breath and caresses the boy’s hair. “It’s ok now, Stiles. We’re ok.”

The boy opens his eyes and Derek sees it. The guilt will never go away, neither will the pain. But they could use it for good. They could change it and mold it until it reaches it best. Until only love survives.

_**I know you've been burnt** _

_**But every fire is a lesson learnt** _

 

As the week passes, they never bring it up, but they all seem affected by the memories that flew from Peter to Derek when he killed his uncle. That outburst of pain was nothing any of them had ever seen.

Stiles, on the other hand, could relate. His panic attacks after his mom died were a lot like that; the desperation, the pain and guilt fumbling one with another, creating a mess of a teenager. One that now lives normally by taking meds that prevent him from losing his head again.

The pack becomes a family. Of course, Jackson is still a jerk, Lydia is full of herself, Danny is too apathy, Scott whines too much, Allison is still an Argent, Derek is still the sour wolf Stiles loves to annoy.  But they know each other now, and they care.

So Stiles smiles when Jackson and Scott start a fight in their wolf forms, until Danny has had it and catches up with them, the most recent werewolf but the one with the best control of the three males.

Lydia is saying something about make up and Allison pretends she’s listening while cleaning her bow.

Derek is fixing the sink in the kitchen, but when he hears the wolves wrestling, his head appears in the kitchen window and tells them to shut it.

The boys do, instantly. Stiles snickers and has to run when Jackson says something about ripping his throat out. So of course, Stiles being the obnoxious brat he is, he yells back: “It’s only threatening when Derek’s the one saying it, Jackson!”

“So why are you running, Stilinski?”

When Jackson catches up with him, Stiles is afraid but not really. It’s just the instinct of being pinned by a predator. He has no time to process the fear though, because Derek is suddenly there, growling. “Don’t even joke about it, Jackson. Go tag with Scott and leave Stiles alone.”

Stiles smiles at Derek when he holds his hand out for him. He won’t question Derek even though he knows, deeply. That they are alike. “It’s really weird, you know. Realizing that you do like me.”

Derek rolls his eyes and doesn’t even bother answering, instead going back to the kitchen. When he’s back under the sink, he smiles to himself even though the leaking pipe smears his t-shirt with dirty water.

_**You shine it when I'm alone** _

_**And so I tell myself that I'll be strong** _

It happens again, but this time Derek is in his Alpha form and it’s during the Full Moon. Scott and Jackson are trying to get him back by kicking him and eventually they start whining, trying to make him stop hurting by licking and biting him affectionately.

Danny pokes him with his nose, whimpering and trying to shut down the sounds of pain and hurt and everything close to the shattering of a heart.

Derek tries to reason with himself, he cuts one of his legs purposefully to try and convince himself that he’s alive, that there is no way the cries from his family are real. But the emotional pain is way more persuasive than the physical one.

Scott finds the human part inside him and shifts back, typing Stiles’ number in his cellphone. He texts him something like “derek needs u” and it’s less than 10 minutes until Stiles’ Jeep is parking next to their location.

The boy leaves the car open and doesn’t even turn it off before running towards the Alpha. Danny tries to slow him down, to tell him it’s not safe, trying to make him understand he can’t just –

Stiles jumps on top of Derek’s back, hugging him close and hiding his face into his fur. The Alpha starts breathing angrily until he smells Stiles so his heartbeats even and Stiles is talking really low, so low that the other werewolves would have to force their ears in order to listen. They don’t.

“You’re strong. You need to get back, Derek. Get back to us. And if you don’t think you’re strong enough, I won’t tell anyone if you borrow some of my strength.”

Stiles doesn’t let go, even though Derek is shifting back to his human form. They lay in the grass, the boy’s head on Derek’s chest, who is breathing heavily until Stiles pulls away and looks at the Alpha with a small smile.

“Our secret?”

Derek doesn’t smile, but he cups one of Stiles’ cheeks in response and pets it gently before standing up and going back to the path towards his house.

_  
_

_**I don't like the way I never listen to myself** _

_**I feel like I'm on fire, I'm too shy to cry for help** _

Derek is not surprised when Lydia shows up and demands, yes, _demands_ the bite. She crosses her arms in front of him and stares at him until he sighs and asks her what

the hell she is doing in his house during school time.

“I want the bite and you’re going to give it to me. I’m sick of only watching you guys have all the fun. I was hurt by that crazy uncle of yours, so you owe me.”

She adjusts the lip gloss around her mouth and looks bored, like she knows the answer. If Derek were to be completely honest, he wouldn’t have hesitated if Stiles hadn’t showed up at that exact time.

“Lydia, what the hell?” The boy asks, surprised at the girl. Derek isn’t. He had noted how she had become restless lately, not liking to stand in the sideline.

“I deserve the bite. You all know I do.” She shrugs, crossing her arms after putting away her lipstick.

“You know it hurts. And that there’s a chance you won’t survive. Also, you’ll need training and your life will never be the same.” Derek reasons with her, even though his Alpha part wants her beside him right now. He needs more pack members, but he will never bite someone without their consent or them knowing what they are getting themselves into.

“My life changed the moment Peter Hale almost killed me. I know what I’m doing. Just get it over with already; I have an appointment later to get my nails done.” She smiles brightly and Derek looks at Stiles, rolling his eyes to show he has no say on this since the girl is right.

He doesn’t know why he is reporting his actions to the boy, but he’ll think about that later. Right now, he’s occupied recruiting.

Of course Lydia is going to make it and have more control than Scott, Jackson and Danny united. She is awesome like that. He already knew that.

Derek didn’t know though that in the night when he tries to sleep, he doesn’t think about his fellow werewolves. He thinks about an emotion he felt seconds before sinking his teeth into Lydia’s neck skin.

Jealousy. Eradiating from Stiles.

_**It's time to come clean and make sense of everything** _

_**It's time that we found out who we are** _

 

Derek is painting one of the walls in the living room with help from Stiles. Jackson, Danny and Lydia are upstairs fixing the bedrooms doors. Scott is out with Allison and her disgusting family. Derek wished he could forbid him of going on trips with the Argents, but Derek knows that not even his Alpha dominance over Scott would make him obey to that.

“Oh, shit!” Stiles was painting the ceiling when some of the paint dropped into his face and made him fumble and fall to the floor, making a mess of paint, journals and brushes.

Derek growls but it’s more of an amused one than the ones Stiles is used to being in the receiving end.

“Is this your way of laughing? It’s quite unique, even for a sour wolf like you.” Stiles is standing up, trying to wipe the paint off his face. He is flushed, a bit embarrassed of the situation. But a part of him is happy that Derek still knows how to have a laugh, even if it’s on his own weird way.

Derek moves as if there is a gravitation force pulling him towards Stiles. He doesn’t notice how close he is until his hands are cupping the boy’s cheeks, smearing the black paint in his face with his thumbs.

“Why were you jealous when I bit Lydia?” Derek doesn’t know what he is doing, saying, feeling. He is in the dark, only seeing Stiles, breathing him in and taking his heartbeats as if they are his.

Stiles’ eyes widen and he bites his own lower lip, trying to shrug as if it’s not a big deal.  “I really hate this emotions reading you werewolves do.”

Derek is not easily tricked. “Stiles. Answer me.”

The boy takes a deep breath. “I don’t know. Is just- I thought we were enough like this. I mean, human.”

Stiles is trying to look at anywhere but Derek and the Alpha finally realizes what was wrong. Not wrong per se, but. Stiles was worried he wasn’t good enough as a human, even though he doesn’t want to become a werewolf.

“You are. But this is a werewolf pack, we need more werewolves.” Derek doesn’t let go of Stiles, almost touching him chest to chest now. “ You’re already one of us; you don’t need the bite to prove anything.”

 _You’re already mine,_ Derek thinks.

The Alpha takes some steps back and goes back to painting the wall, trying to ignore the burning in his fingertips where he touched Stiles.

 

_**Now we're falling on each other like we're always in the dark** _

_**I don't think you warned me much at all** _

__

If Derek had paid more attention to Stiles’ answer, he would have noticed the boy’s heartbeats were way too loud to consider his words true but too erratic to think he was lying. So what did Stiles really mean by wondering if he was enough?

He has no time to think about it, because as the weeks passes, Lydia becomes something he never thought existed.

She becomes sort of an Alpha. She can bark orders to Scott, Danny and Jackson and they will obey, but she still doesn’t fully transform. And Derek still makes her submit to his orders, so it’s weird to see her bossing around his Betas. He hates it, but doesn’t know how to approach the girl when he doesn’t even know what is really happening.

It’s during training that everything explains itself. Derek tells them all to run in pairs; he tells Lydia to run with Danny, and Jackson and Scott to make a pair. He then walks back to Stiles’ car to get them food and water for when they are back from the exercise when he hears Lydia changing his orders.

He is back there in two seconds, just in time to see Scott about to take off with Danny. The Alpha wolf inside him takes over and he pins Lydia to the ground, growling loud.

“What do you think you’re doing? This is _my_ pack, Lydia.” She tries to break free from him, looking afraid but still stubborn enough to try and run away. “You’re the youngest in this pack. So you shut up and follow my orders.”

She turns back to her human form and looks at him with fury in her eyes. “You need a mate! And I’m the only female here. I’m only doing what I’m supposed to!”

The shock is so big that he goes back to his human form, standing up quickly. He’s still angry and about to kick her out of the pack, but he takes a deep breath and shakes his head.

“I don’t want a mate,” he says seriously, his eyes flashing red. He motions her to go and run as she was supposed to. “Danny is waiting for you.”

He understands where she is coming from. It’s not normal for a pack to have an unmated Alpha, but this was never a traditional pack, with humans and girls with hunter’s abilities. And Derek is still trying to understand what his wolf wants and what his human part wants, but he is pretty sure it’s the same thing - same person. 

He goes back to the Jeep while putting his clothes back on and sits next to Stiles, trying to ignore how his wolf immediately whines happily because of the company. He accepts the jerky sticks Stiles hands him and closes his eyes, eating in quiet for a while.

But then Stiles starts rambling about the Hale house and how they need to buy more furniture, ‘cause not everyone can sit in a corner in the floor and be comfortable like Derek does, and that a kitchen actually needs a refrigerator to be called a kitchen and _you need a Play Station, Derek, for fucks sake!_

“I don’t have a tv.” Is Derek’s answer for the Play Station plead and Stiles shrugs.

“My dad has one in our basement and we never used it. I can bring it over next time. But the Play Station is on you, I’m broke.” The boy smiles sheepishly and Derek is becoming calmer and calmer by the second.

So when he agrees on buying the damn videogame, he blames it on his tiredness. He’s falling asleep now and this is wrong, they are in the middle of training but Stiles’ voice is lulling him into darkness and Derek can only think that this is what he needs. Stiles and not a mate.

 _**Who are you to make me feel so good?  
Who am I t** _ _**o choose the boy that everyone adores?** _

 

The following week, he wakes up to the sound of laughter. He can scent Stiles, Jackson, Scott and Danny joking around in the living room and he’s pretty sure Lydia and Allison are in the kitchen cooking something.

He changes his clothes, brushes his teeth and goes downstairs only to see the boys sprawled to the floor with the sofa’s cushions, eating popcorn and playing in the

PlayStation. He doesn’t know how they figured out where he had hid the video game, but Stiles is smirking and suddenly pointing towards the direction where he had hid it and Derek thinks _Of course Stiles would find it._

He rolls his eyes and shoves Scott to the ground, sitting next to Stiles. He throws an arm around him in the back of the sofa without even realizing he did so but the boy doesn’t seem to mind, shouting at Jackson who is obviously cheating.

Later, when they are full of food and tired of playing video games, the werewolves go to the woods and start another game of tag. They never get tired of this.

But then Lydia shoves him into a tree with too much strength and Derek has to pause for a bit, waiting for his ribs to heal and go back into place. It’s when he feels the anger, worry, desperation coming from the direction where Stiles and Allison are waiting in the Hale house porch.

He’s not the only one to feel it, so he’s running with Scott and Danny, Jackson and Lydia following them, and when Derek reaches them his relief washes over any emotion around them.

He hauls to a stop in front of Stiles, shifts back to human and breathes deeply. “What’s wrong? What happened, Stiles?” He puts his pants back on, but doesn’t bother with a t-shirt. He can hear Scott asking Allison the same, but the girl is actually surprised to see them back so early.

Stiles doesn’t look at Derek. Not even when the Alpha cups his face and forces his chin upwards.

“Stiles,” he says softly, still trying to get an answer.

“She hurt you and I just – It hurt me too.” The answer is so not Stiles that Derek has to stop for a second and look again to the boy, to make sure who’s in front of him.

And then Derek’s lips curve up, in one of his almost-smiles, one of his thumbs caresses Stiles’ left cheek. “I’m ok. And you’re ok. Don’t worry.” 

The boy doesn’t speak for a few seconds, looking at Derek and ignoring how his stomach twists and he feels an urge to close his arms around Derek’s waist. Instead he smiles brightly and says, “You up for some Grand Theft Auto? ‘Cause I need to show you my super moves, I made twenty police cars chase me yesterday and I lost them all, which is awesome considering that my dad is the sheriff and we are kind of always in trouble, so I have some skills in the wheels, dude.”

Derek slaps him in the head to make him shut up and rolls his eyes, going inside and sitting on the couch, waiting for Stiles to turn the PlayStation on. “Be prepared to have your sour wolf ass kicked by the amazing Stiles Stilinski skills!”

Derek knows better than to argue, so he just listens to Stiles and ignores the looks the rest of the pack send his way. He doesn’t need to see it in their eyes to know how hard he’s falling for Stiles.

_**Oh who am I to say I'm always yours?** _

 

Lydia sees it, feels it, wants to devour it. She doesn’t know how to act about it, but it’s as if the wolf inside her can’t afford to have a competition.

Derek is in love with Stiles. She never thought he’d be in love with anyone, let alone Stiles. But it happens and it’s so gradual that she doesn’t know how they aren’t aware of it themselves. Maybe Derek knows, but he’s never going to act on it.

And she can scent the way Stiles feels towards her, something close to bitterness and resentment.  She doesn’t know when he stopped liking her, but it was just a childish crush and they are so different from before.

She is not really surprised.

When Derek smiles at Stiles and the boy blushes but smiles back, the wolf inside her knows it has had enough of it. She is not really thinking though. _It’s the wolf,_ she keeps telling herself. _You’re not a mean person_ , she says as if trying to convince her human self.

So when she sneaks up to Derek’s bedroom in the night, she tells herself it’s because the pack needs it. They are supposed to have mated Alpha and Lydia is beautiful and a leader. She deserves the spot.

He’s asleep when she crawls to him until she is in all fours over him. He wakes up and the shock is evident, but she doesn’t let him deny her. She closes her mouth on his.

But he doesn’t answer her. He keeps his mouth shut and puts his hands on her shoulders, forcing her away into standing up.

“I told you already, Lydia. I don’t want you as a mate.” He tries to say it soft but firmly, afraid she will runaway otherwise. She is pack.

“Why not? I’m perfect for it!” She is angry and her voice is so loud that even the humans in the house would hear her. “Don’t tell me it’s because of Stiles! You know it’ll never work. You always say it yourself; humans and werewolves shouldn’t be together!”

He has had it. He growls deep and strong, shoving her into the wall. “If you can’t behave, you should leave. But if want to stay in the pack, then listen to this: I don’t want you as a mate, Lydia. I won’t repeat myself, so I hope you keep that in mind.”  And sensing her anger and unhappiness, he growls even louder, his eyes flashing red. “And if you touch him, you’re dead.” 

She screams when he throws her out of the door and shuts it loudly. Next day, they hear she left the town.

_**Who are we to turn each other’s heads?** _

_**Who are we to find ourselves in other people's beds?** _

 

Derek is trying to fix the sink in the kitchen again when a foot comes into his view. He sniffs in the air and is suddenly overwhelmed by Stiles’ scent.

“Derek, can you come up here?” The boy is nervous about something and Derek hopes they are not about to talk about the fight he had with Lydia a few days ago. Stiles had stayed away from the house since then and Derek tried to pretend it didn’t hurt to see the members of his pack in his living room but no Stiles.

He realizes he’s still under the kitchen sink. So he stands up and is cleaning his hands in a towel when Stiles’ lips touch his’. He has no time to be surprised, because then the boy is kissing him and Derek needs to curve himself to find a better angle for the mouths to blend together.

He sighs and cups Stiles’ face, holding him close and not letting him go even when they’re done kissing, their heavy breaths mingling. When Derek opens his eyes, he sees the determination into Stiles eyes and has to kiss him again.

Derek has no idea why Stiles came up to him, but he’s not going to ask. Not now. He is too occupied feeling Stiles’ back with his fingertips, kissing him with all the need he kept buried underneath his shattered interior.

Stiles steps back and looks at Derek. “Is it true? What Lydia said about you wanting me as a mate,” he asks Derek, their lips brushing while the words leave their mouths.

“Yes, I do. Not now, but. Yes.” Derek is looking at him, taking all in. The way Stiles’ eyebrows go up in surprise, how his lips curve upwards a little bit, the blush slowly covering his cheeks. And then the wink, the way his sweet smile transforms into a smirk.

“Well, I always knew I was a catch. It was about time someone realized it. The good part is that I’ve been falling for you a little bit each day since the whole _I’m the Alpha now_ thing happened.” He tries to mimic Derek’s Alpha voice, but of course it doesn’t work out near close to the original, so he makes a pained face and Derek rolls his eyes. “Oh my god, I’m never trying this out again. I swear. Please don’t fall out of love for me.”

Derek sighs and slaps him in the head, going back under the sink to finish what he started, knowing Stiles is going to be pestering him all the while.  “Trust me, I already tried.”

 

  _ **Heaven knows**_

_**You're so worth it, you are** _


End file.
